She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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