I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
