I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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