got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
