There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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