Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
