i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
