my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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