Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
