It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
