I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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