some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
