I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
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