At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
