Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
