So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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