I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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