Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
