I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
