Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
