after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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