my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
