I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
