nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
