Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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