you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
