So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
