Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
