How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
