I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
