She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
