I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
