Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
