Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
