Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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