I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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