I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Mom said you looked used
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
