At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love you.
Bad choice
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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