Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
