my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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