oh god was she eating orange peels again
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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