filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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