OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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