so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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