it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
