Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
