I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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