I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
