I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
