He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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