If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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