she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
